An Amazing Week

This week has been amazing!  I felt good and had good energy.  I just loved the feeling of being healthy and feeling the sunshine, and spending time with my family not worrying about too much; I guess you can say that I just don't take too much for granted these days.  My personal accomplishment for this week was that I ran 4 miles on Saturday and felt pretty good :) 

I go in on Thursday for my next treatment-YUCK! But I am just setting myself up for a week of not feeling good and then I can move one.  I wonder what I will get for this week for my new "pink" item? 

 

I appreciate all the support I have gotten from friends and family.  I cannot tell you how much your love and support has meant these past months.  I had people ready at a moments notice to come and help this week, morning and noon, with the children.  I didn't end of using them, but what a comfort it was to know that they were willing if I needed them. 

Shaving my head has been a little emotional but friends and family have cried and laughed with me as I have gone through this. Tonight all the kids, Mike and grandpa tried on my wig and we laughed and took some great pictures!  

Love you all more than words can express!

My Warrior Hair Cut

Mike has his race day hair cut, and I have my cancer hair cut.  I have decided to call it my "warrior cut".  We did it late Sunday eve after supposedly the kids were in bed.  Kayla was the only one up at the time but then I went and got Nathan who was playing down stairs and Cami came in who really wasn't asleep in her bed.  Britt slept through the whole thing which I don't know was a good thing because now she won't look at me without a hat on.  Nathan video recorded the fun and Kayla took pictures.  Mike was pretty nervous but did an amazing job.  A few tears were shed before and after, but it is very comforting to know that it is not forever and I will get some cute hats out of the whole deal.  I don't think the earrings will leave my ears for awhile, maybe I should get some more of those too.  

Nathan thinks I look cool and Mike says he thinks I look cuter now than before, got to love that guy!  The kids like to rub my little nubs that are left and I just keep waiting until I don't have to shave my legs! 

Insights Part 1

I decided to separate my past weeks' details with some enlightenments that I had that I feel I should share.  I numbered this part 1 because I know there will be more.  

When I go through trials or hard times,  I learn many things spiritually, temporally and physically and to make the my trials fully meaningful it important to me to share those things that I have learned with my family and friends.  I also feel like our trials we go through are not just for ourselves but for those around us also which is one reason why I have chosen through this whole process to be as open as I have.  

Yesterday in church in primary, the children's sunday school, at the end of the meeting the children sang "How Firm a Foundation".  This song has always been one of my favorites because of the last verse phrase which reads...

7. The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose

I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, I’ll never, no never,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!

While we were getting ready to move to Idaho, I was having a really hard time with the move but I knew it was the right thing to do, and I, personally had many manistifations that it was the right thing to do at the time, but I was still struggling with it.  One Sunday in services I was singing this song and I told myself as I sang... " I'll never, no never, no never forsake thee".  This verse has become a life motto for me, something to live by.  Yesterday I was sitting in Primary and the second verse now hit me with full force.  Two days ago I was laying on the couch wondering many times how I was going to get through this time.  I have felt my Savior near as I have gone through this trial but now as I lay on the couch I couldn't but think I was going to physically get through this trial.  Today, Sunday, I was standing in Primary with almost 100% energy helping with the children.  What a miracle this is and what a wonderful God we have.  He is my strength, He is my foundation and with him I can stand both physically and spiritually.

3. Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

Another experience I had this past week was when I wasn't feeling good, I was praying that that the kids would understand and I know how much I loved them as I went through this trial, and that the suffering I was going through was a sign of my love for them so that I could be with them for a longer time on this earth.  I also wanted them somehow to understand through this trial more fully our Savior's love for them, and to feel Him close.  As I was saying my prayer, my thoughts turned to the garden of Gethsemane and the Cross,  I thought of our Savior's suffering for us.  Here I am suffering a little compared to our Savior, and He did that because of His love for us.  You can physically see my suffering today, we didn't see our Savior suffer, but through my suffering I pray that the children we have a sense of what our Savior suffered for them because He loves them and knows them personally. 

I know that the Lord knows us and loves us and wants us to succeed in this life.  He may not be able to take away the hard times in this life but He places people and supports around us to help us to get through our trials.  He enlightens our minds to know how to help ourselves to get through our trials, and through His enabling power of the atonement we can find the power to make through what seems as impossible.  

 

Ist Week of Chemo Recap

This past week was very tough. I have considered myself to have pretty tough blood running through my veins, but this week was a pretty good reality check.  Friday night after chemo I was on the couch feeling a little wiped out.  Saturday morning about the same, so I went for a slow, short run (I admit a little crazy:)).  Sunday morning I was tired but still vertical.  By Sunday eve I was not feeling so well,  my stomach hurt and I was tired.  Monday was spent on the couch, and Tuesday I was felt like I wasn't going to make it.  Wednesday my stomach started to feel a little better, but still on the couch, and Thursday I spent a little time vertical and by Friday night I resurrected was even a little hyper! 

The thing that was the hardest for me was that my bowels, weren't working properly.  I would eat something and within 5-10 minutes my stomach would cramp up something painful, and then I would run for the toilet.  This made me very week and very tired and needless to say I lost 8 pounds this past week from the chemo session doctors visit to the week after check-up doctors visit.  I am feeling better now, thank goodness, and the doctor said that with my type of chemo this shouldn't really be a problem.  I am holding out hope that my body was just reeling from all the hospital trauma it was still recuperating from and that next time I won't have the bowel problems.   

It seems funny to say but all I have the next couple of weeks to prepare for is my next chemo session is on March 19th and I will probably be shaving my head to prepare for my hair falling out.  I look forward to this time that I will have to recoup and to spend time with the kids.  

 

One of Our Favorite Clips

Lord of the rings has been our favorite family movie lately, even the little kids.  I have never been a Lord of the Rings fan, but lately I have loved all the symbolism and how the movie relates to real life.  This clip is at the end of The Two Towers.  Frodo and Sam have had a long day and just made it through a long battle.  I consider myself a pretty tough cookie, but this past week I found myself saying:  "I don't think I can do this" with just as much if not more emotion as Frodo in this clip.   Sam reminds me of just why I am going through this and gives me the courage to dig a little deeper, what can I say but that "there is so much worth fighting for." 

By: Kayla :)

 So, I was sitting on the couch, and looked over and saw dad and nathan giving the kids "Horsey Rides!" I couldn't help, but put pictures of the guys of the family trying to hold the house together!!! Ha-ha! looking pretty good... until right after I turned off the camera. Brittany went head first over Nathan, Cami cut her toe, and Emily started to scream!!! I wish I wouldn't of turned the camera off! It was funny!

My New Excuse: Chemobrain!

When the nurses went through side effects of chemo they mentioned something called "Chemobrain" . I thought "na, that won't effect me".. Well I finally pulled myself off the couch and read my blog, and my last two blog posts while I was on pre/post chemo drugs are pretty funny! I thought about editing them, but than that would be no fun. I just decided that I will use my new found excuse to its fullest...Chemobrain.